I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
is wine microwaveable?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
