Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
