$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
