Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
