p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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