That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
