I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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