I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
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Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sext me about skeletons
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I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize