i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
