the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
