Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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