paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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