I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize