were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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