Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
