The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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