Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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