thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
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i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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