you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
