All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
