yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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