Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
