It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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