why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
