You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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