Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
