I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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