I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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