but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
