I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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