I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just want to make out with him forever
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
