you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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