I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
