Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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