i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize