1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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