just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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