turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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