I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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