She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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