You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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