come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
