this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
