Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
