I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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