We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
