come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
