soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
