so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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