I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
