Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
