You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
