What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
