hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
