I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
