he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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