Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
