Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
