Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i wish my penis had a tongue
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
