I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I wish there were birth control emojis
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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