thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
